How can I endorse him as an honorable man?
We all have a lot of free time. But do you have as much time as the person who created the full LinkedIn profile for Mark Corrigan?
Meticulously weaving obscure Peep Show references into a full Corrigan story (for the general reader), this is the most Mark Corrigan profile on the most Mark Corrigan social network.
Let’s have nachos and margaritas and get things started.
Some LinkedIn scammers go with cover photos of faraway places and glamorous cityscapes. Mark Corrigan is no different – the sight of Apollo House is pure aspiration.
The “Experience” section will really amaze you with the number of jobs Mark has had throughout the nine rounds. It’s not quite Homer Simpson’s levels but it’s pretty crazy.
The first two are quite respectable. Sure, the Met City Bank job hasn’t gone very well, but it’s not going to put âbad selling my roommate a loanâ into it, is it?
We are moving, depressingly, to the desert years. This was really the point on which Mark had to take any job. But also, the point where you realize how well his inner monologue fits into the corporate banality of LinkedIn.
âBringing our skills together by subdividing them into working groupsâ is simply the language you need to thrive on this platform.
As we get closer to the wild years, there are many phrases that cannot be distinguished from a contestant on The Apprentice. âNo frills, no wigs, no twist, just say it like it was,â Sir Alan.
Is âmen with venâ something a normal person would put on their LinkedIn? Of course not, but Mark’s desperate need for validation runs deep.
Now, none of that went well, but neither did Mark’s defining adulthood love story: JLB Credit. No mention of the ergonomic management keyboard, however.
Below JLB Credit, there are only disappointments. Any hiring manager at this point would surely question the number of short-lived roles.
Somehow, he managed to turn the mummy ordeal into a legitimate professional experience. I say legitimate, but the entire profile would surely be read differently if Mark had the chance to experience it big in Bangalore.
After the frankly exhausting list of odd jobs, Mark’s education is mapped out. You could say 1997 is a long time ago, and that’s right. It’s mostly ancient history now.
By the time we get to the âaccomplishmentsâ section, I’m starting to think I’d be pretty fine if I had done as much as Mark had. Obviously, it’s a pathetic worm, a complete drone. But it has been varied.
This is of course only a tip for references that have not yet been used. More the merrier, the merrier!
My God, it was exhausting. I need a tuna sandwich, a can of Coke, and Snow Patrol.
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